Christmas 2015 Letter

Ya, long post. TLDR? Post a comment anyway!

Ray enjoying the balcony during the Alaska Cruise

This year we had two trips that I can remember (see the gray hair in my pic?) Beginning this year, Lynda was away a fair amount to SoCal taking care of Janet. Sorry to say, I don’t have much to show for that as I was basically lazy and did little while she was away. Mid-year we had a fantastic cruise to Alaska (click here) and then at Thanksgiving, we spent a few idealic, snowy days in Colorado at Rick/Debbie’s new house with Lynda’s family.

Big accomplishments around the house were to get the front lawn remodeled and build a 12×10 shed in the back. The Christmas break afforded me time to take care of a bunch of projects which made me very happy.

First, regarding my family, this has been a banner year  for transitions all around.  Last year at this time, Ricky was living at our house, Travis was living with Nana and Alex was struggling to survive in Seattle. Two significant changes happened in spring.  First, Ricky left home in April for an extended trip to Asia and only returned for a few weeks before moving to Kansas City MO in October. Then Travis met a new girl – Kellen; got serious and and moved out of Nana’s.  They recently got a dog together. We have been enjoying getting to know her and her parents.

Later in the year, Alex had an epiphany and has made a huge turn around with a new view on his life and is looking forward to the coming year.  Each of our boys is growing and doing well. No one lives at home besides Lynda and I. All our pets are gone too. It’s quiet but I’m enjoying it. Nana is also alone so we try to include her in activities that she might be interested in.

Through all this, I feel like my relationship with Lynda has steadily grown stronger and deeper. We are really enjoying each others company. We have been to the opera and do just enough outings mixed with many nights at home to be content. We really enjoyed building the shed together.

Regarding church, although it pains me to watch what is happening to some of the leadership – especially James and his wife, I am blessed to witness their faithfulness and steadfast trust in His provision.  This has encouraged me greatly over the past year. I continue to play drums and run sound a couple times a month. Oh and we got a new, digital sound board just before Thanksgiving which is a fun new toy that causes great anxiety as we learn, on-the-fly, how to use it!

We blended our Zinfandel wine with some Petite Sirah and it’s without question the best wine we’ve ever produced.

Ok, now for some deep stuff…

The story of Ray’s work/spiritual journey for this year centers around my job.

To understand my year at work, you have to go back before Thanksgiving 2014. Around that time, there was an uneasiness or disquiet and even anxious feeling about my job. It felt that there were big changes ahead and it wasn’t clear how these would impact me. I had no specific facts to base these feelings on.

Around that time, I attended PBCC Men’s retreat and was blessed to be led by James (worship pastor) in a routine he has where he seeks a peaceful spot, away from phones and other distractions and is quiet before the Lord. This so impressed me that I decided to stop on my way in to the office and spend a few quiet moments with God each day. In these quiet sessions, it felt to me like I was fighting with my distractions to stay open to His leading – and losing. After a few days of doing this I was praying saying I didn’t understand why prayer was important to God since He’s the king of the universe and all and can do pretty much whatever He wants. And I was frustrated that I have so much trouble staying quiet, listening. In a long moment of silence, a picture came into my mind of two boys – under 10 years old – rolling around on the ground, tickling and giggling with each other. At that moment I felt that God was saying: “That’s how I feel when we are alone together.”

This both blew my mind and caused me to re-think prayer. The idea that God enjoys me and even delights in me changed my attitude from one of “prayer is mostly a waste of time since nothing I pray for ever happens” to being just time to spend with Him. This didn’t change my feelings of anxiety but I endeavored to try to include God in my day more each day. During the trying times ahead, this new understanding sustained me as I worked to remember, minute by minute, hour by hour, that he is with me throughout my day.

Still the anxiety continued. Then in the spring, they announced that the company I worked for would be purchased by a private equity company. Finally, I thought I had the reason for my anxiety. However, the discomfort continued unabated well past the closing date of the sale.  Then in early summer we found out that our group of around 15 was in the process of being sold.  Initially, this was a very exciting and new set of possibilities.

As time wore on, enthusiasm in the team waned. Then the departures started. In the span of only a few weeks, we lost all managers. Meetings with the senior leadership of Riverbed indicated that there were essentially two options: A) they would finish the sale of the group; or B) they would put the product into maintenance. Considering the huge loss of leadership and product knowledge with the departures option A didn’t seem feasible to me.

Then started about 4 months of on again, off again (as it seemed to me then we were wandering in the wilderness – we had no home).  The team did a remarkable job of bravely continuing despite the HUGE uncertainty and lack of capacity.  At times it was completely ridiculous that we would even try to continue considering our situation and at other times, it was exciting that we could make progress despite the trials. The highlight of this time was that the key developer re-joined.

Finally, after a period of about 6 weeks with almost no change and no information, I was seriously starting the process of getting another job when we got word that there would be no sale of the team. During our wilderness experience the product manager tirelessly pressed on and used every opportunity to introduce senior management to the value of the product to Riverbed. In fact, some large customer issues were turned into wins due the efforts of David demonstrating the value of the product. So, Riverbed welcomed us back and has even let us hire another developer. After all, neither option A or B. Instead we have been re-incorporated into Riverbed with new plans on how to integrate our product with others.

I had no idea that the difficulties I sensed a year ago would last so long and there would be so many twists and turns – each with a new set of possibilities and anxieties.

At this time I feel like we are like the proverbial prodigal son who returned home after a long time in another country and welcomed back into the family.

Now, for all you who persevered, let me say that I am about as happy now as I can remember.  May the Lord grant you blessings like he has blessed me.

Merry Christmas!